The Force That Binds Us
by midnightbluefox
Summary: After the events of TLJ, Rey flees with the Rebellion while Kylo Ren takes over as Supreme Leader, intent on hunting her down. But between the war, the bond they share might be the thing that saves them as they struggle to discover what balance means. And what the connection between them means for their future. Reylo and TLJ spoilers
1. Chapter 1

_**Thanks for taking the time to check out my story! Just as a disclaimer, I do not own Star Wars, I'm simply borrowing the characters. Also, I am not a Star Wars expert or anything so please forgive any lore/world errors! Comment, critiques and reviews always welcome!**_

It wasn't until over two hours into the flight away from Crait that Rey was able to get away and grab a quiet moment for herself. The few survivors of the rebellion needed attention, reassurances and medical help. Time went by quickly and it wasn't until she finally paused and looked around that she realized how exhausted she was. She hadn't had a second to just stop and let everything that had happen sink in.

She spared one last glance at Finn before she slipped away, bent over the unconscious body of a small dark-haired girl, her hand clasped tightly between his own. Rose. Rey knew there was a story there between them but she hadn't had the energy to go over and ask.

The cockpit of the _Millennium Falcon_ was empty except for Chewie sitting in the pilot seat. He made a concerned noise when she entered, taking a deep breath for the first time since they left Crait behind.

Rey smiled at Chewie weakly, knowing she looked rough. He made another soft noise, looking at her with his dark eyes.

"Could I- do you mind if I have a minute to myself?" Rey asked and he stood without a word, ruffling her hair as he brushed by to leave. He hadn't asked what had happened aboard the _Supremacy,_ just gave her an understanding look and took everything in stride. He seemed unshakable but she knew that he had been hopeful enough to let her go after Ben, to try to turn him to the light. She forgot that Chewie was one of the few still alive that knew Ben well, had loved him as a child.

 _Ben._

Rey waited for Chewie to fully leave before slumping down in the co-pilot seat, staring into the endless space without taking it in. Her body was aching fiercely from the battle in the throne room and the explosion that threw her and Ben apart. It was pure luck that she had come to first and managed to get away in all the confusion.

She relived the moment that she had stood over Ben's unconscious body, staring down at him. His face peaceful despite the chaos around them, the bodies and embers raining down around them. For just a brief second, she _considered_ -

Rey shook her head fiercely. There was no point in going down that path, he made his decision. But she had seen him in those brief seconds before the _Falcon's_ door closed. The pain, the anger, the hopelessness. Ben Solo was a swirling storm of emotion, one that wanted to pull her in. The look in his eyes after he killed Snoke and helped her to her feet, the heat, the desire- but for what? For power? For freedom? For… her?

A shiver raced down the length of her body before she could stop it.

She felt the bond between them going tight, like a string being pulled taut. The connection to Ben was still there, a constant awareness in the back of her mind. The Force seemed to swell around her, electric yet soothing at the same time.

She could feel him the second he appeared. It was a feeling, an aura he radiated that pushed against her own, commanding her to turn and look.

She just kept staring at the stars.

The tension swelled between them, threatening to snap Rey with every silent second that passed.

She finally sighed. "What do you want, Ben?" she murmured, not turning around, not wanting to see the emotion she knew would be on his face, in his dark eyes.

"I don't want anything from you," he said, the words falling weakly between them. They both knew it wasn't true.

"I thought this was supposed to be done. This- thing between us." Bond was the word that had been first on her lips but she hadn't wanted to say it, such an intimate sounding word.

"Snoke lied," he said simply. There was a rustle of fabric behind her and she resisted the urge to turn around. "Did you truly ever think otherwise? I know you felt it between us when we first met, the power, the… connection." The way he said that, like a caress, made her want to deny it, to tell him he was a sad child with delusions.

But the memory rose in her mind, of the surprise when Ben took off his mask on Starkiller Base. When the man beneath was revealed and been nothing like what she had expected. The emotion and vulnerability in his eyes had surprised her even then, even when she had been afraid. Not what she had expected from a creature in a mask.

And when he picked through her mind, revealing her deepest dreams, the bond that had snapped into place between them. It shook her to her core.

" _Don't be afraid, I feel it too."_

"Yes," Ben said from behind her and there was another rustle. "We have been connected from the start. The Force- the Force wants us together. And yet, you rejected me."

He said it coldly, uncaring. But Rey felt a pulse of pain, of hurt and loneliness surge through their bond. It was so intense that she gasped, hand flying to her chest reflexively.

Ben let out a low curse and then he was right behind her. She could feel his hot breath against the side of her neck where her hair was swept aside.

"Rey," he whispered, his scent filling her nose. Something masculine, like cold snow and the bitter tang of metal.

And in that second, Rey felt a surge of rage. Rage at him, at his humanity despite being a monster, at his constant contradictions. At their inexplicable connection. At her own weakness when it came to him. Rage that they were on opposite sides of this war and she couldn't give in to the wordless things she felt.

She whipped her head around to find his face on a few inches from her own. His dark hair messy, darker eyes widening with something she didn't know.

"Get away from me," she nearly snarled, clinging desperately to the rage, to the anger, afraid of what might take it's place if she let it slip away.

"You're angry." He sounded surprised and it just made her madder.

"You think you're the only one allowed to be mad, Ben? I've been threatened, tortured, nearly killed countless times, betrayed, and lost people who were important to me! But of course, you only think about yourself," she scoffed, bitterness seeping through her voice.

"I only think of myself? Was I thinking about myself when I killed Snoke, when murdered my master to save you?" His eyes sparked in defiance.

"Yes." The word flew from her mouth before she could stop it and she had no idea if she believed it or not. Had he done it for her? Or simply for himself? Again, she remembered the desire in his eyes and her uncertainty as to what for.

He flinched backward before he controlled himself, face pale. He looked so real, like he was in the room with her and Rey knew that if she reached for him, he'd be solid beneath her. This connection blurred the lines between what was real and wasn't, between right and wrong.

"I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that you feel that way. Considering how you left me to die." Ben sneered at her, hiding under his anger, his contempt that he wore like armor.

Rey felt her spine go stiff and she rose from her seat to face him, invading his space like he had hers. "I did no such thing. I fled because you were going to cut me down with my own lightsaber. You used me for your own good then you were going to kill me."

"You know nothing," he spat, his hand curling into a fist, the leather of his glove creaking. His rage crackled in the air and she could taste it on her tongue. Good. She knew how to deal with Kylo Ren, was certain of her hatred for him. It was Ben Solo that brought out all sorts of things in her she didn't want to face. Couldn't face.

His anger rose like a storm between them and Rey found her fingers subconsciously twitching to where her lightsaber normally hung from her side.

Then suddenly, it snuffed out, the air going still. His hand that had been curled into a fist came to rest at his side. The hair between them was suddenly empty, waiting to be filled with something.

"I- I would not have killed you," he said softly, head lowered to meet her eyes. "Rey… you must believe me."

He sounded tired, weary. The rebellion has told Rey of his rage on Crait, how he tried to shoot her down the _Falcon_ , tried to kill his mother in the base. How he faced Luke down and had been a monster made of darkness, of pain.

Whatever he had tapped into on Crait seemed to have left him now. He looked like he didn't have the energy to be angry anymore, dark circles under his eyes, skin paler than usual. He looked _done_.

He must have picked up that thought from her, heard what she was thinking.

"No." He shook his head, curls falling in his eyes and he ignored them. "Not done. There is no end, no being done for me. Not now."

The way he said it made Rey's stomach sink. There was such resignation in his voice, no hope to be found. Ben Solo probably hadn't felt hope in years, since he was a young boy.

The urge to comfort him rose like a wave in Rey and she reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder.

They both stared at her hand where it rested solidly against him. Rey wasn't necessarily surprised, they'd touched before in the hut and he was so _real_ right now, the heat of his body warming her own, his scent permeating the room, his dark pressing against her light.

Her hand rested against him for only a few beats of her heart then he tore himself away from her, stumbling back.

"Don't." He swallowed heavily, the scar down his face standing out against his pale skin. "Don't- don't touch me like that."

And then he was gone, the Force took him away just as quickly as it had thrown them together. Rey stared at her outstretched hand for a second before lowering it to her side.

Ben Solo was gone, she tried to tell herself firmly. She was a fool to waste her time and compassion on him. He had done nothing but prove time and time again that there was no light left in him.

Lies, her heart whispered.

Them fighting back to back, in perfect sync, the bond between them stronger than ever. Him telling her she wasn't nothing, not to him. The slide of their palms together. The feeling of not being alone for the first time she could remember, of having someone who understood.

Rey threw herself back into the co-pilot chair, rubbing her eyes roughly to combat the sting of tears.

Why couldn't she just give up on him?


	2. Chapter 2

_**Many thanks to everyone who read my first chapter and reviewed, followed, or favorited! You've all been so kind, I hope the second chapter doesn't disappoint! And as always, I don't own any of these characters, only the angst they give me and the feels I try to put into words.**_

Kylo Ren stood in his room and thought about the look on Rey's face when she rejected him. When she turned down his offer to rule the galaxy _together._

 _Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to._

He ached with every fiber of his being to move on, to forget her. Would kill it if he could, wipe the memory straight from his mind. But it rose, unbidden, again and again.

The disappointment, the sorrow. Regret. That she was leaving him or that she had expected better of him at all?

He felt shame curling low in his stomach but he no longer knew his emotions. Was the shame from her disappointment or from caring about her at all? He was weak now, weak because of her. He remembered the taste of desperation when she went for her lightsaber in the throne room. It wasn't anger at her betrayal that gave him the power to pull against her, it was his desperate need for her to _stay._

To not be abandoned again.

He snarled into the empty air, hating this. Hating her, the scavenger, Rey. Hating the little niggling feeling in the back of his mind from their connection, like a little seed radiating constant warmth and light.

Hated the way he said her name, the soft way it left her lips. Ben.

No, not his name. He was Kylo Ren. She spoke the name of a child who died a long time ago.

There was a knock on his door, the noise breaking him free from his thoughts. Kylo hadn't realized he was breathing hard, the rasp of air leaving his lungs deafening in his silent room.

He strode to the door, slipping on the calm mask he had adopted since destroying his helmet. He hadn't had to worry about schooling his features in a long time but now that he was Supreme Leader, everyone was watching him careful.

Looking for a sign of weakness.

He opened the door to reveal General Hux and the perpetual sneer that curled at his lips. Kylo felt contempt trickle down his spine as it always did when he laid his eyes on the general.

General Hux was a snake, slithering his way up the ranks of the First Order and coiling around every scrap of power he could find. He had the admiration and respect of his troops, had proven himself time and time again. And now, he suspected Kylo Ren of having a hand in the death of Supreme Leader Snoke.

Kylo could feel the distrust, the suspicion radiating off of him as they faced each other in the doorway. He kept his face clear, his eyes cold, giving nothing away. Hux didn't worry him, he could kill him if he wanted and they both knew it. That would keep him in line for now.

But they both knew that killing the general could cause a ripple effect that Kylo couldn't afford to deal with right now. Hux was just gambling on how mad Kylo really was, how far he could push him before he decided he didn't care about the repercussions of killing the most beloved general in the First Order.

They were circling each other and it was just a question of who would make the first move.

"General Hux."

"Supreme Leader." Hux didn't bother hiding his disrespectful tone, not even pretending while they were alone. "I wanted to give you the report-"

He cut off as the Force shoved him to the ground suddenly, knees smacking against the floor with a harsh sound. Kylo flexed his fingers and Hux's head painstakingly lowered until he was kneeling before the Supreme Leader, eyes locked on the floor.

"You forgot something," Kylo said cooly, feeling the swell of anger pouring from the man on the floor before him. Satisfaction tingled in his fingertips.

"Forgive me, Supreme Leader," Hux spat out from behind gritted teeth.

Kylo released the Force and Hux sagged on the floor before staggering to his feet on unsteady legs.

"Be sure you don't make that mistake again. Submissive looks good on you, general."

Hux's lips went white with rage.

"Now what did you need? I hope you didn't come here just to waste my time with your disrespect." Kylo turned away dismissively, intending on retreating back to his room when Hux's next words froze him in his place.

"I merely wished to assure you that the girl will soon be found. She will answer for murdering Supreme Leader Snoke."

Rey.

A bolt of… _something_ raced through him at the smug tone in Hux's voice and it took every ounce of his self-control to not break Hux, to not have him on the floor begging for death, to spill everything he knew about Rey.

"Has there been progress in locating the rebels that I wasn't made aware of?" He asked instead, aware that Hux was watching his every move.

"We haven't found anything yet. But I have put a bounty on her head that guarantees every person in the galaxy will be looking for her and willing to turn her in." Hux smiled in a savage sort of delight. "Dead or alive."

With those words, Kylo felt the connection between him and Rey shiver, pulling tight. He froze as her presence filled the hallway, her sharp gasp as she realized she could see him. Everything in his body screamed at him to turn around and look at her.

"Ben?" she asked tentatively, sounding confused.

He ignored her. Hux was giving him a strange look and Kylo realized he was still waiting for a response.

"You presume too much, general. When she is found, I want her brought her alive. The murderer of Supreme Leader Snoke cannot be allowed a quick death."

Hux opened his mouth but Kylo cut him off. "See that it's done. Now leave me."

He could feel Rey behind him, uncertain. Had felt her shock at what he said before she pulled her emotions back in check. What had she expected from him though? They were enemies, figureheads on opposite sides of the war.

Without waiting for a response from Hux, Kylo slammed the door between them and waited a second before turning to face Rey.

She met his gaze coolly, eyes clear and unafraid. He waited for her to demand why he named her as Snoke's killer, if he meant what he said about having her brought to him alive.

But instead, she let out a breath and glanced around. "Your room is… large."

Surprise threw him off balance, that being the last thing he expected her to say. "You can see it?"

She shrugged, a quick motion of her delicate shoulders. "If I concentrate, I can make things out. It's like I'm here and there."

Similar to when he had appeared to her and she revealed what the cave showed her then. He could make out the shape of her hut, could sit next to her by the fire and see the flickering flames. The bond between them was powerful indeed.

Rey reached out and trailed her hand over the dark glass of his desk. He couldn't take his eyes off of her fingertips, the way they caressed the black surface. Something lurched in his stomach.

"Am I to be hunted down like an animal then and brought to you for slaughter?" she asked casually.

Images danced across his vision; Rey broken and chained to the floor, blood sliding down the side of her face, the sizzle of his crimson lightsaber against her tan skin. The thought brought the taste of blood to his mouth and he realized he had bitten his tongue.

A sudden urge to grab her, to shake her until she understood the danger she was in, gripped in.

 _Be careful. Please._

The words rested on the tip of his bloodied tongue. He ignored them.

Rey watched him with a knowing look in her eyes, as if she could sense his inner struggle. He double checked that his mental shields were still up and they were. She simply knew him. Or knew herself and understood that they were one and the same.

One and the same. What was he thinking? She was weak, relying on the light to lead her and influence her decisions. He took what he wanted, his emotions guiding him. There was no purer way to live. Darkness always swallowed the light. Always.

"Perhaps if you had joined me when I offered, you wouldn't be in this situation right now," he finally said, striding over to his desk and peeling his gloves off.

"You're right. If I had joined you, I'd probably be dead already." A small part of him wanted to laugh at her defiant tone, the petulant tilt of her jaw. A bigger part wanted to scream at how frustratingly stubborn she was being.

"But if you had joined me," she continued, "we could have fought together. Fought for what is _right,_ for the people of this galaxy."

"Is that what you tell yourself?" He spat bitterly, flinging his gloves onto the desk. "That this is what the people want? Endless war and casualties for nothing?"

"Casualties?!" she spluttered, red flushing across her cheeks. "How dare you speak of casualties when you wiped out whole planets!"

"It was necessary," he said dismissively. "Your precious rebellion forced our hand."

"So what then, if I joined you, the killing would have stopped?" Heavy sarcasm laced her words. "You would have spread peace across the galaxy as a benevolent ruler?"

Her words hit home, pummeling every second of uncertainty he'd felt since killing Snoke. He couldn't afford to be weak in his position now but he didn't know what he wanted. He didn't have a grand vision for the First Order or for the galaxy.

All he'd known as he extended his hand to her was that he wanted her by his side.

"Tell me, Ben, tell me you would have done some good, trying to stitch up the gaping wounds the First Order left across the galaxy." Rey stepped closer, her soft brown eyes peering into his soul. "Tell me I made a mistake by turning away from you."

"Of course you made a mistake," he retorted, pretending she wasn't destroying him with every word.

"Why?" she said softly, close enough now to touch, close enough he could count the freckles that made a constellation across the bridge of her nose. "Why should I have taken your hand?"

"Because we would have been together!" he yelled, snapping finally. What a childish thought at the time. He'd had nothing to offer her except himself and their future together… of course, it hadn't been enough for her.

Rey looked stunned by his outburst but didn't step away. Her eyebrows pulled in as she watched him struggle to breathe evenly, his yell ripping something free in his chest. Pity crossed her face briefly before she hid it, like she could hear his thoughts.

"Stop doing that," he said weakly, turning away.

"Ben… you-"

He didn't want to hear what she had to say, what sort of sweet lies she could murmur to him, trying to turn him to the light. She had shown her true thoughts in the throne room, made it clear that he wasn't enough for her. He was never enough for anyone. His parents faces flashed before him, Luke standing above him with his lightsaber, Snoke's cruel laugh.

"I hate you," he said venomously, with everything he had left in him. He scrabbled around inside himself, trying to find the darkness, needing something to latch onto, something familiar.

"No you don't," she whispered, then those fingertips he couldn't look away from earlier, those fingertips that made something hot twist inside of him, were brushing against the back of his hand.

His breath stuttered to a stop inside his lungs, every particle of his being focused on the warm slide of her skin against his. A desperate need to look at her, to see what was on her face as she willingly touched him, rose in him. Pity? Or something more, something like… wanting?

Kylo turned to face her, fear thumping in his chest, but she was gone before he could see her face.

He was alone once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**_I can't say thanks enough to everyone who has supported this story so far, you guys are amazing! I have so many plans for this story, it takes everything in me to not rush through every chapter to get to the next part but it's important to me that I do these characters justice and show the slow build of their relationship. It means the world to me that you guys are enjoying it so far!_**

It took a whole day passing on Dantooine before Leia finally approached Rey. She'd been waiting for it, trying to think of what to say to her. How could she possibly explain what had happened between her and Ben? And what was still happening? Their bond was something Rey didn't think she was ready to share with anyone. Her brain told her it was because of the concern and questions of her loyalty that would arise, but another part of her felt strangely… protective of her time with him.

Protective perhaps wasn't the right word but she didn't know how to explain that the bond had become important to her over the last few days. The occasional emotion or thought she got from Ben helped combat the constant loneliness expanding in her chest. She found herself anticipating when she would see him again. For the opportunity to bring him to the light, of course, but also for the softness he seemed to show when it was just the two of them.

But how could she explain to his mother that she still had hope for him, could still see the humanity underneath the monstrous mask of Kylo Ren?

Rey had spent the day claiming a room at the far end of the abandoned rebel base on Dantooine and helping get other members of the Resistance situated. The base was old, the first rebel base according to Leia, but had been maintained in case they ever needed a safe place to flee to. It was clean, stocked with supplies and rations and had a fully operational, if outdated medical building. They even had running water.

Leia had smiled sadly when congratulated on having thought ahead and preparing a suitable base to rest and recover at.

"I'd hoped we wouldn't need it," was all she said. Rey watched and thought that General Leia Organa was one of the strongest people she had ever met. But even the strongest of trees wear down and fall after time. Time and stormy weather could break down all.

Rey had intentionally picked a room away from the main corridors, away from the constant sound and bustle of people. Though she didn't want to admit it, the noise and amount of people made her feel claustrophobic. She was so used to the empty space in the desert of Jakku, of falling asleep to the sound of her own breathing.

It wasn't just being surrounded by people that bothered her, it was that they all _stared._

She was hurrying back to her room on the second morning on Dantooine, trying to look pleasant and calm, though the weight of everyone's eyes on her in the hall made her curl her shoulders in protectively. There was such expectation, such misplaced faith in their gaze, it made her want to scream.

A soft pulse of understanding came through the bond. Images followed, officers tensing when he walked by, fear and anxiety creating a dense aura when he entered a room.

 _Expectations of a different sort._

Ben's voice was quiet but clear in the back of her mind and Rey didn't know whether to be frustrated or appreciative. If she concentrated, she could throw up a mental wall and push him out. But it seemed that otherwise, the bond was content to stay open constantly.

 _You bring that on yourself_ , she shot back snidely, annoyed she was such an open book, easily accessible on his end. She hadn't tried to reach out to him yet, afraid of what she might find.

Bitter amusement rolled through the connection.

 _Don't pretend it would be any different there._

Rey wanted to protest but knew he would feel the lie through the bond. So she kept walking to her room, trying to not imagine every face she passed cringing at the sight of Ben Solo.

Then she saw a familiar face working her way through the crowd towards her.

 _Get out!_ She thought to Ben frantically, focusing on shoving him out of her head with everything she possessed. She caught a brief surge of his shock before she clamped down the doors in her mind.

She hadn't wanted him to know she was seeing his mother. She had no idea how he would react, considering the last time he was near his mother, he was trying to kill her. And, if he knew she was speaking with his mother, it could drive a wedge between them, destroying the tiny bit of progress she felt she'd made so far.

Them not trying to murder each other was progress, right?

"Rey." Leia had finally reached her, grasping her elbow in the crowded hallway. "Could I speak with you for a moment?"

"Of course." Rey tried to sound natural, like she hadn't been dreading this moment for the past day. Like she hadn't just been speaking with his son, the most dangerous enemy of the Resistance. "Would you like to go to my room?

The small woman nodded and allowed herself to be led to Rey's room, entering and taking one of two seats at the small table Rey had found in an empty room and dragged back to her own. It currently held the stack of Jedi texts, ancient covers cracked.

Rey closed the door and sat down in the other seat nervously.

"Well..." Leia smiled kindly, eyes crinkling in the corners. "You must know why I'm here. Chewie told me that you went after Ben, trying to turn him to the light."

"I… I did. While I was with Luke, I discovered what really happened the night that Ben destroyed the temple and fled. I believed that he could be saved, that he might come to our side if I went to him."

Rey could see the flicker of hope in Leia's eyes as what she said sank in. It quickly disappeared.

"It feels safe to assume that you weren't successful since he didn't come back with you."

Rey opened her mouth, uncertain of what to say. True, she had failed. Ben hadn't turned to the light, he had too much rage eating him alive, too much hurt festering inside of him. But… that look in his eyes when he held his hand out to her. The intimate moments they had shared through the bond. The heartbroken way he said he hated her, like he was trying so hard to make it true.

"It's okay," Leia said, reaching out to grab Rey's hand, tears glistening in her eyes. "I've accepted that my son is gone. Snoke is simply too strong and I wasn't there for him when he needed me most."

"No!" Rey exclaimed, surprising even herself. "You can't give up hope!"

She explained what had happened aboard the _Supremacy,_ Ben killing Snoke and saving her life. Of Luke's admission to failing him, the moment he created Kylo Ren out of the fear of a young man.

Leia wept silently. "Oh Luke," she whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks.

Rey gave her a minute to let everything she said to sink in, a minute to mourn all she had lost.

"I don't know how to keep hope that Ben is still there, that he can be saved. Even though he's free of Snoke now, it might be too late," Leia finally admitted. "After all he's done… it would be easier to just believe my son is gone."

Rey ached to explain their bond to her, how every encounter with Ben just solidified her belief that he could come back from the dark side. But she couldn't.

"He needs you to keep hope alive now, more than ever," she said instead. "If you don't believe redemption is possible, that he can be saved, how can he?"

People giving up on him is what caused this in the first place. No one in his life seemed to have faith that he could fight the lure of the dark side, no one believed in him. At the first sign of him giving in, they abandoned and turned on him.

Harsh words rose in her mouth but Rey pushed them back down, ashamed of herself for thinking those things, for wanting to berate Leia. She already knew how much she failed Ben and had to live with the guilt every day.

But a small kernel of anger still simmered in her stomach at the thought of Ben's childhood and all the people who gave up on him. She knew all about being abandoned, but the belief that her family was coming back for her, still loved her, helped her keep going. He'd had none of that.

Leia left soon after, looking physically and mentally drained. Rey felt awful for her internal conflict but nothing she said hadn't been true and Leia deserved to know.

The second the door closed behind the general, Rey let out a huge sigh. Her head had been throbbing for the last few minutes, pain radiating out in steady waves. It was radiating from the bond and Rey could only assume that Ben was trying to force his way through her walls.

What a child. She ground her teeth, regretting her earlier sympathy and anger on his behalf. She pulled her hair free from it's tie, enjoying the brief second of relief across her scalp. Then she undid her arm wraps and shrugged off her outer tunic, leaving her in a thin undershirt, shivering at the chilly nip of air on her bare skin.

If he was going to throw a temper tantrum like a child, then she wasn't going to talk to him.

She crossed her room and entered the refresher, marveling again at the shower and tub at her disposal. Rey had never taken a bath in her life and showers usually consisted of a bucket of lukewarm water dumped over her head. Though she was tempted to shower, the thought of getting naked while Ben tried to invade her mind made her uncomfortable to say the least.

So she just splashed cold water on her face instead, rubbing it up her arms and across her shoulders. It soothed her flushed skin and aching headache, a groan of relief escaping her lips.

She was splashing herself a second time when she felt the unmistakable feeling of the force bond going tight.

 _No, no, no,_ she thought. Why? Why now? She stuck her head out of the refresher door, letting out a loud curse when she spied a black-clad figure standing in the middle of her room.

"Rey," he said, a smug smile curling at his lips.

Rey internally cursed the Force with every foul word she could think of. What determined when and how the bond decided to pull them together? She was suddenly immensely happy she decided against the shower.

Ben raised an eyebrow as he looked her over and she realized she was in just her white undershirt, hair down in frizzy waves around her face, water rolling down her face and neck. Heat rolled up her chest, staining her skin red.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, looking amused. Ben Solo, amused. That was new.

"Yes, actually." Rey felt herself prickling at the way he kept looking at her, his amusement transforming into something else.

"Good," he said curtly. "Serves you right for shoving me out so rudely earlier. What were you so desperate to try and hide?"

 _Serves you right._ Rey wanted to take his twisted logic and strangle him with it. Only he would think it rude that she blocked him out when he was the one invading her mind in the first place.

"I had company," was all she said, quickly making sure the Force hadn't ripped her mental shields open when it thrust Ben here. But everything was firmly in place.

He rolled his eyes, about to say something then froze, staring at her intently, taking in her disheveled appearance again. She could feel the path his eyes were taking as they traced up her body.

His lips flattened into a white line. "Was it a man?"

A loud laugh burst from her lips before she could stop herself. A man? Of all the absurd assumptions for him to make…

Ben wasn't amused, his eyes flat and cold. "Who was it?"

Another laugh escaped Rey. "Who was who, Ben?"

His eyes narrowed. "Don't play dumb. Tell me who he is. Was it that traitor, FN-2187? I saw the way he looked at you." His hands balled into fists at his sides.

Rey stiffened. Finn was a loyal and true friend, nothing romantic in their relationship. For Ben to say something so absurd... "There's no man. You're delusional. And even if there was, that's no business of yours." She felt her chin lifting stubbornly. "You have no say in who I do or don't see."

Ben stared at her, his eye giving the slightest twitch, a muscle jumping in his jaw. Then he moved suddenly, a savage gesture. He seized something invisible, muscles shifting under his black clothes as he threw it and Rey heard a phantom smash through the bond. He was breaking things on his end.

He whirled back to face her, breathing hard, eyes wild.

"Ben, stop it!" she demanded, his rage startling her. Immediate regret flooded her at goading him when he was clearly upset. Something must have happened to him today to make him so irrational, this couldn't just be about her.

He strode towards her, closing the gap between them in a second, his movements predatory. Rey willed herself to not flinch away, meeting his gaze the whole time.

"If you won't tell me, I'll just rip it from your mind," he hissed, teeth flashing.

He didn't scare her. He was both glorious and feral in his anger but she wasn't afraid of him. She knew his instinct was always to attack, to use his emotions like a finely honed blade to injure others. They were the instincts of a hurt child.

"If you do that, I'll never speak to you again," she said calmly. He rocked backward, surprise extinguishing everything else. "I will put everything I have into locking you out of my mind. You try to reach out to me and you'll hit a wall. The Force pushes us together, and I'll pretend you don't exist." She glared at him fiercely, feeling triumphant when unease flickered in his dark eyes.

"That's right. Deny it all you want but you think we've been bonded for a reason. Maybe so you can turn me to the dark side, maybe to discover where I am so you can come kill me. But no matter what the reason, you don't want to lose this." Rey gestured between them, satisfaction filling her when he looked away but didn't deny it. She had counted on him trusting the ways of the Force above all else, his belief that it made things happen for a reason.

"How about," she continued, "you can take what I freely offer you and deal with the rest. You will respect my privacy and in return, I will do my best to be honest with you. But you have to earn it first, my trust. Digging through my mind and taking what you want isn't the way to do that."

It felt strange to have to explain the concept of privacy and respect to him. But having Snoke constantly rooting around in his mind and taking everything he wanted had created a broken man who understood neither. He only knew how to take and have everything taken from him.

Silence settled between them as Ben considered what she said. She could tell he was struggling with his pride, his need for control and instinct to take what he wanted.

"I… apologize," he finally said.

Rey tried so hard to hold back the surprised smile but she felt her lips curl up in the corners. "What was that?"

"I won't say it again," he growled, crossing his arms. He sounded angry but the tips of his ears were pink.

Rey smirked but didn't push it. Ben was so unpredictable and most of the time, she thought she hated him. One second he was telling her she wasn't alone, the next taking her to be tortured by his master. Reaching his hand out and telling her she meant something to him, then reaching for her lightsaber to cut her down. And now, threatening to rip her mind apart, then getting embarrassed about apologizing.

He was a constant contradiction, a sad story and a hopeful tune all at once. He frightened her, comforted her, threatened her, listened to her. He was simultaneously her greatest enemy and her closest companion, someone who saw inside her and understood who she was to the core.

Staring up at him, feeling the strength of the bond between them, Rey had no idea what she was doing. Why she was so drawn to him, why she was giving him another chance after all he had done. She couldn't help but think that choosing this path would bring nothing but pain. She knew it in her heart, that she could be making a terrible mistake.

But she couldn't live with herself if she was another person who gave up on Ben Solo, who turned their back on him.

And as she gazed back at him, Rey couldn't help but feel like today had been a victory.


	4. Chapter 4

**_I still can't believe all of the support I'm getting, you guys are amazing! I just wanted to make one thing clear to avoid confusion with a part of this chapter... To my understanding, Ben doesn't know his mother is alive. Last he saw her, she was on the bridge when it got blown up. So to his knowledge, she's dead. Thanks again everyone and as always, comments and critiques are welcome!_**

Kylo Ren dreamed of her that night.

He woke up, heart thundering against his chest, her name on his lips.

 _Rey._

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on breathing, on feeling the Force flowing through him, letting its calming presence wash over him.

 _The brush of her bare skin against his. Her soft brown eyes staring into his. His name, a whisper, a plea._

Kylo groaned out loud, running his hands through his hair. He could still smell her, like sunshine and lemons, a combination he would have never thought would drive him crazy.

What was wrong with him? He couldn't escape her during the day and now she was even invading his dreams. She was like a phantom, haunting every corner of his mind.

He forced himself to calm down, to combat the anger he could feel rising in him, the frustration. She just didn't have it in her to give him a moment of peace, did she?

Kylo wondered if the dream was because of earlier, when she emerged from the refresher, practically snarling with frustration. She had looked so wild, so… beautiful. The water droplets slipping down her neck and arms… He hadn't realized he'd never seen the soft skin of her wrist and forearms until he couldn't pull his eyes away.

The thought of another man touching her perfect skin, skin she normal kept so hidden; it shook him to his very bones, made his blood boil with fury.

Kylo shuddered in his bed, fear instinctively pulsing through him at his thoughts. He kept forgetting that Snoke was gone, that he couldn't invade his mind. That he wouldn't be punished for thinking such things. That he was finally free of the pain, of the torture.

He knew there was danger in his newfound freedom, in allowing himself to think about Rey too much. She still believed she could turn him, that Ben Solo could be saved.

And he was content to let her believe so, as long as it meant he could keep seeing her. Rey, the only person in the galaxy who saw into his soul and didn't flee.

He was selfish, letting her believe there was hope when he knew he was right where he belonged, Supreme Leader of the First Order. He had given up too much, destroyed too much to doubt himself now.

But he couldn't bring himself to smash her hopes for him into dust, to push her out of his life.

...

Star systems and light years away, Rey awoke with a gasp, Ben's phantom touch still lingering on her skin.

...

Waves of frustration and annoyance kept making their way down the bond, making paying attention in an already excruciatingly boring meeting near impossible. If Kylo had to listen to Hux give one more update on the "filthy Resistance sympathizers", he was going to burn this ship to ashes. After spending the rest of the night tossing and turning on his silk sheets, too afraid of what he might dream about to sleep, his patience frayed quickly during this meeting.

 _Having difficulties with something?_ He sent to Rey, needing a distraction, feeling her surprise and something else she quickly buried that left behind an echo of embarrassment. Interesting.

 _No_ , she said, immediately defensive.

 _You know there's not much point in lying to me._

He could feel her sigh through the bond. _Fine. Yes, I'm having difficulties. Is that what you want to hear?_

Was it bad that he liked it when she snapped at him? When he cracked her carefully maintained layer of calm? It only felt fair with how she had perfected the art of getting under his skin.

 _Anything I can help you with?_ Kylo offered.

Surprise. He could feel her reaching out, trying to feel out his intentions. _Doesn't the Supreme Leader of the First Order have something better to do with his time than help out a lowly scavenger?_ Though her tone was teasing, he could sense her apprehension.

 _Not right now._ He flicked his eyes up to where Hux was ranting, face red, teeth bared, and sent the image down to Rey.

Her instant repulsion nearly made him laugh. _He seems… intense._

 _Yes. He certainly keeps the meetings from getting too boring. Really, I owe him for keeping me awake today._

There was a strange pause. _Did you have trouble sleeping last night?_ Something about her tone, the deliberately casual yet breathy way she asked... There was no way she could know about his dream.

 _Just the usual_ , he said cautiously, all senses straining for the slightest hint of anything unusual about her reaction. _I don't always sleep well._

But all she said was, _It's a good thing you have your red-faced Admiral then. You should probably give him a raise._

He was looking into this too much, there was no way she knew. A mixture of relief and disappointment clashed inside him.

 _I don't sleep well either,_ she offered. _Perhaps you could lend him to me sometime?_

Kylo held back a snort at the thought of Hux and Rey in the same room. The real question was who would attack the other first. His money was on Rey and that fiery temper of hers.

Her soft laugh filled his head, hearing his thoughts. _Why do I have a feeling that pointing out my temper was meant as a compliment?_

 _Because it was,_ he responded, amused when she laughed again, a light, girlish sound.

"Supreme Leader?" Admiral Hux's voice sounded astonished.

Kylo stiffened, abruptly realizing he was staring off into space, smiling at nothing. He flicked his eyes back up to where Hux stood, confusion and surprise filling his face. Everyone else seated around the table was pretending they weren't looking at him, anxiety and uncertainty seeping off of them.

"Did you need something, Admiral?" Kylo asked, slipping back on his icy mask. Foolish.

Hux's eyes narrowed. "No," he finally said, lowering his head slightly. "Forgive me, Supreme Leader."

He could feel everyone intentionally not looking at him, pretending nothing had happened. But he'd slipped up, here, where he needed to appear strongest. He was a fool. He took his time scanning the table, letting his gaze rest heavily on each person, letting them feel the power he possessed. Their anxiety and uncertainty morphed into fear. Good.

 _Everything okay?_ Rey whispered down the bond, perhaps feeling his negative emotions. He wanted to snap at her for distracting him but he pushed it down. He had reached out to her first, after all.

 _It's nothing. Just something that required my attention._

Rey kept silent, obviously not sure of what to say, her uncertainty and discomfort making the back of his neck prickle.

 _I should probably get back to what I was working on…_ He caught the brief flicker of an image, the broken pieces of her lightsaber on the floor. Suddenly he understood her earlier annoyance.

 _Wait._ He could feel her withdrawing from his mind, taking her warmth with her. _Are you trying to repair it?_

She huffed, irritated with herself by revealing too much. _Trying,_ she admitted. _I found some information on how to build a lightsaber but nothing about repairing one already broken._

 _Information? Where?_

 _A book._ He could tell from her response and the shields that closed around her mind that she wouldn't be revealing anything more. Kylo stored that information away for another time, intrigued as to where she could have found books with instructions on crafting a lightsaber.

 _You'd probably be better off just making your own rather than trying to fix that one,_ he said, remembering the way it split under their combined power and the resulting explosion. The crystal was probably cracked, and while that didn't ruin it, trying to repair a lightsaber with a damaged crystal that didn't belong to you in the first place would be difficult.

 _I don't really have the pieces to make my own,_ she admitted and he could feel her disappointment. Her wanting to craft something that belonged to her, something she could call her own. _I wouldn't even know where to find a kyber crystal._

Kylo smirked internally, making sure his face remained impassive. _Well if you ever change your mind about joining me, I could help you with that._ He sent her an image of Snoke's personal collection of kyber crystals, shelves and shelves of glittering gems. They were just sitting on the ship, waiting to be used. Snoke had hoarded them greedily, collecting dozens over the years.

He hadn't meant it seriously, part of him showing her because he'd hoped she might ask for his help. But instead, ice spread down their bond.

 _Resorting to bribery now?_ Rey thought coldly, her thoughts closing off from him. _I'm glad you're in a position where everything gets handed to you. But some of us don't have the luxury, some of us would rather keep our integrity._

 _Rey, I didn't-_ he started, but she had already vanished, locking herself behind her walls.

He ground his teeth, infuriated with her.

Kylo sat there, seething for the rest of the meeting, feeling the occasional gaze flicker over him. Hux especially kept a close eye on him, searching for any sign of weakness. They watched each other like two wolves circling.

"Supreme Leader, perhaps you would like to weigh in on this last matter," Hux finally said, a spark in his eye. A test of some sort then. "Our spies have discovered that there is going to be a meeting on Coruscant. An opportunity for the Resistance to meet with sympathizers and try to gather support under the guise of a party. It's set to happen in three days time and our spies are confident they will have the exact location by then."

Hux watched Kylo unblinkingly.

"I'm assuming you will be sending troops to capture the Resistance who attend?" Kylo asked cooly.

"Kill or capture, whichever opportunity presents itself."

"Again, you act without thinking, Admiral," Kylo said dismissively. Hux's face turned red, eyes bulging with indignation. "If we kill them all, how will we be able to find out where their new base of operations is? I want as many taken alive as possible. Kill the sympathizers if you must but I want any members of the Resistance brought here to me."

"Of course, Supreme Leader. And what if the girl is there?" There it was, the thing Hux had been waiting for, the trap he thought he'd sprung.

Kylo just met his gaze evenly. "We discussed this already. I want her alive and brought here to suffer for murdering Supreme Leader Snoke. If any of your men injure or kill her, you'll be the one to answer for it." He used the force to apply just the slightest of pressure around Hux's throat, a reminder of who held the power. He paled, lowering his eyes submissively.

If Hux hoped to get a reaction out of Kylo, he would be sorely disappointed. Rey was the first person he thought of and he knew the Resistance wouldn't be stupid enough to send her out in the field with the bounty on her head. She was too valuable.

And now, with his mother dead, there was no one else he cared for in the Resistance. The rest could burn for all he cared.

They wanted her to go to a party on Coruscant. Rey could hardly believe her ears when Leia asked her.

"I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't important," she said, reaching to grip Rey's hand. Leia's casual touches were always kind but so hard for Rey to accept. She hadn't been touched in such a long time, other than being hit and shoved as a slave on Jakku, so her immediate reaction always to flinch away. Over the course of her life, touch equaled pain.

"We've received reports of the bounty on your head," Leia continued. "But I fear that if you don't come with us, we may leave empty-handed. People want to see hope with their own two eyes, see what they're fighting for. You're the new symbol of the Resistance."

Leia looked up at her, the weight of what she was saying shown in her eyes.

Rey swallowed heavily, once again feeling the walls closing around her.

"Don't worry." Poe Dameron stepped closer from where he'd been waiting off to the side, misinterpreting her look as nervousness. "We'll be careful and I'll be there to keep an eye on you."

Rey appreciated his reassurances but she wasn't afraid to go. Getting out of this base and doing something helpful was exactly what she needed. No, what she was afraid of was disappointing the people who were expecting something great. She was nothing but an abandoned scavenger, a girl who had no idea why the Force chose her.

"Besides, doesn't every girl want to get dressed up and go to a party with a handsome man?" Poe joked, ignoring the exasperated look Leia threw him.

And a party. Just another way to stand out, to show her inexperience. She had never been to a party, didn't know what to wear, how to dance. She would look like a child.

But the Resistance was counting on her and she owed them. She could master her fear and hold her head high at this party _because_ the Force chose her. She didn't have to understand why, it was a part of her now. If suffering the embarrassment of a party was what it took to gain allies in this war, then so be it.

"I'll go," Rey said.


	5. Chapter 5

If anyone ever told Rey that she would find herself missing Jakku after she finally left, she would have laughed in their face.

Yet here she was, heart aching to feel the heat, to feel the touch of the sun on her body again. She dreamed of the hot sand on her skin, warm breezes kissing her face.

It wasn't even that it was overly cold here on Dantooine, not that Rey had been outside much. The sky was always soft gray, the breeze holding just the barest hint of a chill.

But she just couldn't warm up, the metal walls of her room seeing to radiate cold through the night. After living in the desert for so long, bundling up and wearing multiple layers went against everything she knew, the fabric suffocating around her. There was no winning, her body was miserable and sun starved.

So night after night, Rey fell asleep folded in on herself under her blanket, feeling goosebumps prickle down her skin, her toes tingling in the cold.

Tonight was no exception. It was through the pure force of her will that her teeth didn't chatter as she pulled her knees up to her chest like a small child. She wrapped the blanket around herself and fell asleep with the sheets cold against her skin.

Except, some time in the quiet space between the night and morning, Rey woke up and she was hot. Not warm, but hot. She was just conscious enough to recognize the delightful sensation and let out a moan of relief, rolling over to press herself against the source.

…

Kylo wasn't sure at first what had woken him up. He was still in bed, his sheets and his pillow under his head, the darkness of his room; but something was different. He opened his eyes and it took him a second to realize he the shape he was staring at was the back of a head.

Rey. In bed with him.

Kylo froze, every bit of him suddenly awake and alert.

Her brown hair looked black spread across his pillow, the curve of her cheek just visible from where he laid. The slope of her neck leading to a bare shoulder peeking from the blanket.

His mouth went dry at the realization that her shoulder was covered with a smattering of freckles. It was such an intimate detail about her body, something few people probably knew. A surge of possessiveness jolted through him, coiling hotly in his stomach.

Rey. Sleeping in his bed.

Did he wake her up? Did he pretend she wasn't there and try to go back to sleep? Who was he kidding, there was no way he'd be able to sleep now. He'd wake her up then.

But first, he wanted just a minute to look at her. A stolen minute she would never have to know about, a secret between him and the darkness.

The blanket rose and fell gently with her breathing and she made a soft noise in her sleep, shifting slightly so it slid down, revealing another inch of bare shoulder. He could see the edge of a loose sleeveless tunic she wore so at least she was clothed. Thank the Force.

Kylo watched her, hardly able to breathe, his heart racing in his chest. There was something about seeing her like this, all of her shields down, her usually intensity absent… it made his chest ache, a confusing sensation just on the edge of being painful.

He was still frozen, torn between desire, what he _wanted_ to do and what he _should_ do, when she rolled over to face him, pressing herself against his body with a low moan.

He could _feel_ her.

Rey pressed her cheek against his bare chest, nuzzling his collarbone. Her legs slid against his, toes cold against him through the thin fabric of his sleeping pants. The scent of sunshine and lemons swirled around him and he thought he would die right here in his bed, with her in his arms.

Force, she felt so _real._

He had never been touched like this, never felt the thrum of desire rushing through his veins while being this close, this intimately pressed against someone. She was so small, so delicate against him, yet they seemed to fit perfectly.

He wanted to brush the hair away from her shoulder and kiss it, counting those freckles with his mouth. He wanted to trace the curve of her throat with his lips, taste her soft skin on his tongue. He wanted to take her in his arms and pull her onto him, tilt her chin up until he could see her face, the pink of her lips, lips he wanted to-

This desire, this wanting was more powerful than anything he had ever felt, more powerful than the dark side could ever be. And the realization terrified him.

Why? Why was the Force doing this to him?

"Rey," he choked out into the darkness, suddenly needing her away from him. But no, that wasn't right, he needed her closer, pressed more fully against him.

She shifted, nose rubbing along the line of his collarbone. He could sense the slow trickle of her consciousness slipping in through the bond.

"Mmmmmh," she hummed. "Ben." He could feel the brush of her lips against his skin as she breathed his name, the softest flutter of her eyelashes.

It took less than a second for her to go completely stiff against him, alarm screaming down their connection. Less than a second for her to jolt up and scramble backward, dragging the blanket with her.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, stands of hair hanging in front of her face.

She was like a cornered animal and Kylo could practically feel her hackles raise as he sat up and she took in his shirtless appearance

"What are you doing?" she repeated and he could feel her emotions swinging from confused to angry, back and forth like a pendulum.

He was shuddering under her gaze, under the reality of the situation now that she was awake. They were alone in his bed and his body was nearly vibrating with desire for her.

"Perhaps I should ask you, seeing as you're in my bed," he pointed out gently, taking silent deep breaths.

Her wide eyes focused on the black sheets, on the blanket curled in her lap. She looked at a loss for words. "I… I didn't-"

"I know," Kylo rushed to say. "It was the bond." Disappointment was settling in his stomach like a rock at her apparent horror. He wasn't sure what he'd expected but he should have known she'd be repelled to wake up next to him.

"Were we cuddling?" she blurted out then slapped a hand over her mouth, looking mortified. "Oh Force, I'm sorry, I can't believe I said that." Even in the darkness, he could tell that her face was red and she wouldn't look at him.

"I don't know, I just woke up," he lied, the words tasting ashy in his mouth.

"Oh," she said awkwardly, fidgeting with the edge of her tunic.

Silence settled between them until Kylo couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to be angry but the feeling kept slipping through his fingers. He couldn't seem to focus on it. "I'll sleep on the floor until the morning. I'm sure the bond will have taken pity on you by then." He slid from his bed, feeling Rey's eyes on him as he grabbed his pillow and tossed it on the thick rug beside his bed.

"Stop, I can't take your bed." Rey crawled across the bed to his side. "Ben, stop. I'll take the floor."

"I'm not letting you take the floor," he said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he laid down. He'd slept on worse.

"You do realize that I used to sleep in a broken down AT-AT, right?"

Kylo paused. He knew that she had been lonely and unhappy on Jakku, that she waited for a family who never came back from her. But he hadn't known the specifics of her situation.

Her head popped over the edge of the bed, filling his vision. "Ben, I'm serious. I'm not going to sleep in your bed while you're on the floor." He noticed that she kept her eyes fixed firmly on his face and he wanted to laugh at how uncomfortable she was with his naked chest.

"Rey." He said firmly. "Go to sleep." He closed his eyes, hearing her huff angrily then the rustle of blankets. His satisfaction at winning the argument lasted all of two seconds before he felt her climbing down on the floor next to him.

His eyes flew open and he glared at her as she curled up next to him, creating a little nest around her with his blanket.

"Looks like no one gets the bed then," she said sweetly.

This woman. One second he's fighting the urge to kiss her, the next, struggling not to strangle her. It was a skill really, how quickly she could infuriate him.

"Fine," he growled.

They were both silent for a few minutes, but Kylo didn't feel remotely tired. Quite the opposite actually. His blood was alive, scorching through his veins. He wouldn't be able to sleep even if he tried.

"Is your room always this warm?" Rey's voice was quietly curious.

"You don't have to use a blanket if you're hot," he pointed out. Truth was, he did keep his rooms a little hotter than normal. Though his childhood left a lot to be desired, he had always enjoyed traveling with his mother and the warmth reminded him of some of his favorite planets he visited, where the sun wasn't hidden and the breezes were balmy.

"No, it's not that… it's nice. My rooms are freezing, this must be the first time I've felt warm all week," she admitted. Sleepiness was making her less guarded that usual, sharing information about her surroundings.

The Resistance obviously wasn't concerned about keeping their prize happy, Kylo noted wryly. "Why don't you ask for a warmer room? Or for a heating unit?"

He glanced at her when she didn't answer, only to find her looking genuinely baffled, brows scrunched together. She was always so expressive, almost childlike in her inability to hide her emotions.

"That doesn't seem right," she finally said.

Kylo rolled over on his side to face her better, propping himself up on an elbow. "Why not? I'm sure the Resistance would be more than happy to cater to your every need."

"You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

She studied him for a second like she was trying to decide if he was being serious or not. He tried to not look to eager at getting a look into her mind, an opportunity to understand her better.

"On Jakku," she started slowly. "No one gives you anything. I would scavenge for anything I could trade for food and water. And if I didn't find anything, I would go without. I had to earn everything I had. But here..." she struggled to find the words. "Here, I'm offered things at no cost and I don't understand. People give me things when I have nothing to trade them for. It goes against the way I know the world works."

Rey glanced at him self consciously while he let what she said to sink in. The thought of her, hungry and thirsty out in the desert, trying to find the strength to go find something to trade- he gritted his teeth. No, that was something he could dwell on another time.

Rey had been thrust into a world she couldn't understand. He knew she had probably brought this up with people in the Resistance, only to be dismissed, assured that she didn't need to give anything. But she was obviously looking for a way to cope with this, something to help her make sense of this.

"I think the only difference here is that sometimes the trade isn't between physical things and not always in the moment." He tried to put it as simply as possible but he could see she was confused. "For example, the Resistance is giving you a lot, right? Food, a bed, maybe clothes. It may seem free but it's not. The trade is that they give you these things but in exchange, they expect your support in the war and you to fight for them when the time comes."

He could see her working it out in her head. "You're right with your instincts that things are rarely given freely. The price is just less simple than when you were on Jakku."

He thought of when he stood in the throne room and offered her the galaxy by his side. But even then, it hadn't been free. The price had been too much for her. Less simple indeed.

She nodded, a small smile on her face. "Yes, that makes sense. I suppose the Resistance could do a lot more with my support than a scavenged ship piece." An embarrassed laugh slipped out of her.

"It probably depends on the piece," he teased, rewarded with a smile, bright even in the darkness of the room.

"Thank you, Ben. I have a hard time sometimes with the differences here and-" she looked down to pick at her nail. "I don't want the Resistance to think I'm stupid or incapable of understanding simple things."

He reached out without thinking, grasping her hand and gently pulling to away from where she was picking. "Don't say that. Having a different upbringing or point of view doesn't make you stupid. Don't let anyone make you feel like it does."

Her hand was warm in his and Force, this connection was too much. He kept forgetting she wasn't actually here with him, that she could vanish at any moment. But if this wasn't real, her hand in his, their whispered conversation in the dark, what was? Tonight was the most alive he'd felt in a long time.

Rey was staring at their clasped hands with her mouth slightly open. Her fingers curled in, nails scraping against his palm, sending shivers down his spine.

"The Force bond is getting stronger, isn't it?" she asked softly.

"Yes," he whispered.

They held hands in silence until Rey fell asleep, her soft noises filling Kylo's room, until his heart stopped racing from the feeling of her palm against his and evened out to a steady beat that echoed in his head. Until he drifted off to a place right on the edge of sleep, only to rouse later and realize she had disappeared at some point, his hand now clasped around empty air.

 _ **This chapter ended up being way more fluffy than I intended... so yeah. I just think that in order to do these character justice, it has to be very slow burn and character driven, focusing on the intimate moments. But that doesn't mean action isn't coming up! And this is Star Wars so it's not going to be all rainbows and sunshine for much longer *evil laugh* Thanks guys!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Two days passed without Rey or Ben being pulled to each other. Part of Rey was disappointed but she was mostly relieved since she was seeing his mother nearly every day. It was hard enough blocking him from her mind when Leia was around, she didn't know what she would have done if he had suddenly appeared next to her.

She kept busy enough that she didn't have much time to think of him anyways. It was only at night, when she was curled in her bed that her thoughts would inevitably turn to him. She questioned herself in the hours she should be sleeping, whether she was doing the right thing.

She had taken his advice and tentatively asked for a heating unit, annoyed that he had been right when one of the Resistance showed up at her room with it later, apologizing profusely for not having thought about it sooner. The warmth of her room was so different now though, feeling distinctly lacking after being curled up against Ben.

During the day, Rey's time had been filled with preparing for the party on Coruscant. She needed to be measured and fitted for a dress, which filled her with a nameless sort of horror. Leia assured her that she would be fine and refused to teach her more than basic etiquette.

"Just be yourself and everyone will love you," she kept saying, which did little to calm Rey's nerves.

And then she trained with Poe, an activity she found herself enjoying more than she'd anticipated. Since she had no lightsaber to bring with her and couldn't strap her staff on her back at a party, Poe took it upon himself to spar with her and train her to use a blaster. She'd been hopeless at the start but her aim had improved slightly over the previous two days.

She liked Poe. He was easy going, quick to smile, and never looked at her with the same expectations as everyone else. He treated her like another new recruit and she appreciated it.

Ben had popped in on her mind once when they were sparring, getting a glimpse of her positive thoughts about Poe, even as he swept her legs out from underneath her. He'd been sour and didn't speak to her for the rest of the day. Rey suspected it was more because he wasn't over Poe escaping him than actual personal dislike.

But finally, after two days of hectic preparation, the group going to Coruscant was finally ready.

Rey stepped into the ship hangar with Leia at her side, feeling self conscious in her formal gown. She had never worn a dress before, and never dreamed she would be wearing one such as this.

It was crimson, a shade darker than blood, with full skirts that rustled when she walked. The neckline was high but the shoulders and back bare, skin that Rey normally kept covered, out for everyone to see. The bodice had swirls of beads that trailed down her skirts and glistened in the light.

Leia had even done Rey's hair, an intricate braided crown that Rey liked, if only because it kept her hair out of her face.

And strapped to her thigh under her voluminous red skirts was a blaster pistol.

Leia had assured her that she wouldn't stand out at the party, that if anything, she was under-dressed. But she still felt uncertain as she made her ways through the halls of the base, people watching her with wide eyes. She felt like a child playing dress up.

They decided against taking the _Falcon,_ opting for a less recognizable transport ship that would work just fine. Poe was waiting for them where the ship was being loaded up with extra soldiers in case of any issues. Rey hoped they would have a boring, uneventful night and not be needed.

"Rey!" he exclaimed as she approached with Leia, giving her an appreciative look over. "Well done, General."

Leia rolled her eyes. Poe was in a black tuxedo, but his bowtie was red, a shade that almost perfectly matched her dress. He saw her looking and chuckled.

"I did say we'd be going together. Looks like you're my date for the night." He winked.

"I don't recall agreeing to this," Rey teased, laughing at the exaggerated look of hurt on his face.

"Ugh, you wound me, you really do," he groaned. His eyes landed on something behind her and lit up, a grin taking over his whole face. "Hey, Finn!"

Rey spun around to see Finn hurrying across the hangar to them. His jaw dropped when he saw Rey.

"You look… Wow." He said, then grabbed her in a tight hug, not caring about her dress.

Rey felt her eyes well up. She'd hadn't seen as much of Finn lately as she'd wanted. She missed her friend but understood that their paths were slightly diverged at the moment. Hopefully, once she got back, she'd be able to set some time aside to sit down with him.

"I just wanted to come wish you luck," he said and Poe clapped him on the shoulder. "And I wanted you to know I'd come with you if I could." His friendly eyes stared into her own, begging her to understand.

"I know Finn, I wouldn't expect you to." Rose still hadn't woken up, Finn spending every extra moment he could with her. His loyalty was something Rey loved and admired about him.

"Even if I'm not with you, I've got your back, Rey. Just be careful." He pulled her in for another hug and she returned it fiercely.

"I will," she whispered against his shoulder.

"Rey." Leia's hand was on her elbow. "We have to go."

Finn smiled at her when they parted. "If you can survive Kylo Ren, you can handle a stuffy party."

It was meant to be a joke, a reminder of the unlikely odds they had both survived on _Starkiller Base_ , but Rey's stomach sank. She forced a smile that felt more like a grimace and waved goodbye, heading up the ramp and into the ship.

…

The party was everything Rey had expected and it was as worrisome as it was a relief.

The second they entered and were announced, the party had gone silent. It was a huge glittering ballroom, more wealth than Rey had even known existed crammed into one room. People dressed in glamorous clothing of every color, filled the room. And they were all staring.

Leia strode forward, chin held high, greeting who Rey assumed was their host, a tall thin man in purple robes. They embraced like old friends and like a switch had been thrown, the volume went back to normal.

Rey trailed after Leia for the first hour or so, being introduced to person after person. Everyone was polite to her but Rey could hear the whispers floating around the room, the eyes all latched on her.

" _I heard she killed Supreme-"_

" _Where is her lightsaber?"_

"… _supposed to be a jedi or…"_

She kept her spine straight and head held high, bowing graciously as she met people and trying to conjure up a convincing smile.

Finally, Leia waved and Poe appeared at her side. "Why don't you take Rey to get some food and maybe dance? I need to talk some business now that the pleasantries are over."

There was a spark in her eye that made Rey almost sympathize with who she planned on speaking with. She was sure the General had a thing or two to say to their supposed allies who abandoned them on Crait.

"Food sounds good," she said, wanting to avoid dancing like her life depended on it. Poe gave her a knowing smile, holding out his arm. She took it and allowed him to lead her to the buffet table, ignoring the whispers that followed them.

She tried to hide her awe at all the food laid out. She'd never seen so much in her whole life.

She must have failed because Poe chuckled at her. "What would you like the try first?"

When she couldn't choose, he started picking random things, laughing at her surprise and sometimes disgust when she tried it. Despite the stress of the party, she found herself laughing too, appreciating Poe trying to put her at easy. He really was a good friend, she mused, understanding why Finn spoke so highly of him.

Once Rey had gotten her fill of new flavors, they claimed one of the small tables that outlined the dance floor, Poe not even bothering to ask her if she wanted to dance. Instead, he started telling her the story of Finn's daring rescue on _Starkiller Base_ , one she hadn't heard from his point of view yet. It was much more dramatic and unbelievable when he told it.

 _Are you still hanging around this bore?_ Ben asked, his tone scathing.

Rey quickly made sure her shields were still up where they needed to be, letting nothing of the party or what she was doing trickle in. She'd been so careful the last few days, not wanting to believe Ben would do anything if he found out, but not willing to risk it. It looked like he had only picked up that she was speaking with Poe, fortunately.

 _This bore happens to be my friend,_ she shot back. He didn't respond and she could feel stress rolling down the line that connected them.

 _Are you okay?_

 _Yes, just distracted._ He sounded like it, even his mental voice was strained. _I just wanted to… check up on you._ He said it like he didn't know what the words were doing in his head.

 _Check up on me? What for?_ Perhaps he was feeling lonely but didn't want to admit it. Perhaps he had just missed her. She quickly banished the thought.

 _Nothing, nothing._ A pause. _Are you and the pilot training?_

He meant Poe. She made sure her shields were firmly in place, praying he wouldn't be able to pick up on her lie. _Yeah. Just killing time, trying to keep busy._

 _Good._ He sounded relieved rather than his usual annoyed when she was around Poe. Something strange was going on but neither of them was willing to address it, the tenseness in their conversation.

 _Well… I'll leave you to it._

He vanished abruptly from her mind, leaving Rey wondering what that was all about. He had definitely been acting strangely. Maybe he wanted to make sure she was busy because he was doing something he didn't want her to know about. Maybe he was having a woman over.

The food Rey had eaten churned in her stomach. That was not a possibility she wanted to consider.

"Rey?" Poe snapped her out of her dark thoughts, giving her a strange look. She had no idea how long he'd been trying to get her attention.

"Sorry, I spaced out for a second."

"Everything okay?" he questioned and she realized she was frowning.

"Fine. Sorry, I just got lost in my own head." She looked for something to change the subject, noticing several women staring in their direction. "Why don't you go dance? You seem to have some admirers."

He glanced over then grimaced. "Not my type."

"Gorgeous women aren't your type?" she teased.

He looked straight at her, lifting an eyebrow. "No, they aren't."

"Oh… Oh!" she said, cheeks coloring for not understanding at first. Well that explained the look he got in his eyes when he spoke of Finn. "Well..." she scanned the room quickly, noticing a handsome blonde man lingering alone near the edge of the dance floor. "He looks like he could use a partner."

Poe laughed, looking the man over appreciatively. "You sure know how to pick them."

Ben popped into her head, tall, broad shoulders, dark hair. The wicked scar down his face. If only Poe knew, she thought then internally pinched herself.

Poe started to get up then paused. "I really shouldn't leave you here," he said, throwing another look at the blonde man.

Rey glared at him. "I'm sure you aren't insinuating that I can't take care of myself for a few minutes."

"I would never." The blonde man was now staring at him too, a playfully curious look on his face. Poe sighed. "Fine. But if the General lectures me, I'm telling her it was all your idea." He straightened his jacket, ran his fingers through his black curls, then walked off.

Rey watched him go, glad that at least someone was going to enjoy the party. She couldn't get the thought of Ben with another woman out of her mind.

She sat for a few minutes before standing up huffily, needing to move before she went out of her mind.

Poe was dancing with the blonde man, both of them grinning as they shuffled across the dance floor. Rey could see Leia seated at a table with several men and women, looking ferocious even from here as she addressed them. That woman was a force to be reckoned with.

She made it two laps around the room before the worst thing she could imagine happened, the thing she had been fearing; the unmistakable pull of the bond.

Rey knew she had mere seconds so she ducked into the darkness of one of the servants corridors connected to the ballroom. What could she do? She shouldn't have let Leia talk her into coming, should have known this might happen. But maybe she could still save the situation. He'd be able to see her and know she was somewhere different, somewhere she had to dress up for. That didn't tell him where she was or what she was doing. She just needed to think of something-

Suddenly Ben was in front of her, his presence crowding the dark hallway. She opened her mouth, no idea what she would say.

But the words dried up as he took one look at her, taking in her dress, her hair, his face changing from annoyance to horror in a flash.

"Where are you?" he rasped out, sounding choked. His scar stood out on his rapidly paling face.

"I- I-" She hadn't been prepared for this. Confusion, yes, but not the feeling of horror, of fear and disbelief that radiated off of him and closed her throat up like poison gas.

"Where are you?!" he yelled, closing the distance between them in a split second. He loomed over her, looking feral.

"Stop it, you're scaring me," she hissed, flattening herself against the wall, her dress crinkling.

"Are you on Coruscant? Tell me!"

How did he- Rey swallowed heavily. She'd been so careful, guarding her mind. There was no way he'd found out from her so that meant-

Ben must have taken the look in her eyes as all the confirmation he needed. He cursed, low and viciously.

"Listen to me. Rey, listen," he commanded, undisguised panic in his voice. "You need to leave right now. You need to go!"

"What's going on?" she whispered through numb lips, already knowing the answer but not wanting to believe it. Not wanting to believe he had played a part in this, that he hadn't warned them. That he hadn't warned her.

"The First Order, they're coming. Probably already there! You need to go now!"

Rey took off down the hall before he could finish, his desperate voice echoing through the space. She could feel him following her but she couldn't stop.

Poe, Leia, the bodyguards and resistance fighters who had come with them… they were all still in the ballroom.

Before she could reach the doorway, an explosion knocked her off her feet and into the wall.

 _ **So I've been planning where I'm going to go with this story and it's heavily pulling me towards some more mature themes *wink wink* seeing as I've been sitting in the T rating, I wanted to know if any of my readers would have an issue with that change? Please let me know! Also, I'm on tumblr at**_ ** _.com so come say hi!_**


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